Broken Love
by gottalovett
Summary: A series of songfic oneshots about Lucy/Master/10th Doctor in the year that never was and what happened.
1. Chapter 1

_This first song is Songbird by Bernard Fanning. It's a lovely song. Also if anyone thinks this fan fic should be rated M pm me and I'll change it. I wasn't sure what rating this should be._

Lucy tried not to look at the wizened man child in the cage, treated like a dog. A part of her always felt a bit sick as she walked past, as though maybe there was something wrong with that… only she knew things couldn't be wrong because Harry had made things this way, and Harry was always right.

_He _didn't walk past the thing in the cage, _he_ danced past, and when he said 'Doctor,' his mouth would twist in delight, as thought he'd just eaten a delicious sweet. _He_ never looked at her quite in that way; she wished he would. She wished she knew how to please him.

_I wish I knew which button to push_

_Then I'd know how to please you_

_Sad but true._

Sometimes, the doctor creature would glance at Lucy with huge, bulbous eyes, beseeching, begging for something she didn't know if she could give. Was it hope? Strength? Even sympathy that he wanted? She couldn't help him. She still remembered Harry's explicit instructions too well.

"You are not to talk to him. Not ever. Do you understand?" She'd stared at him, her mouth half parted delicately, and he'd gripped her wrist painfully and she'd nodded hurriedly in trepidation of what would come if she didn't agree. He'd suddenly looked contrite, clapping his hands together mockingly, "come to Daddy." There were white marks on her wrist where he had grabbed her and her eyes were smarting. She felt weak because she loved him. Her head came to his smooth chest, as his strong arms encompassed her body. His mouth was pressed against her forehead.

He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, but that didn't mean she understood him.

* * *

The doctor had tried without much success to get the attention of Lucy Saxon. He should have known she'd be cowed by her husband. The Master had never been an easy man to live with. As the months dragged on, Lucy seemed somehow smaller, as she shrank into herself more and more, in a pathetic attempt to avoid her husband's unpredictable wrath.

Martha Jones was getting to him. The Doctor grinned. She was a smart girl and she'd stop The Master if anyone could.

He instantly regretted the grin, watching Lucy again. He was getting rather good at observing. One eye was swollen, the flesh raised. When she walked closer, he could see blue and purple and liquid oozing. _Worse than the physical pain, is the pain of knowing that no matter what she does, it will never be enough. Not for him. _

_So I'll just listen in down the line  
While you're busy mixing grape with grain  
To sedate your pain._

The Doctor felt nothing but pity for the child. He wondered what she told herself to survive. He wondered if she blamed herself.

She approached the bars of his cage cautiously, and he wondered what The Master had told her about him, what monster he had painted him for the girl's innocent benefit. Her voice was barely a whisper. "Please, you have to tell me where she is." But The Doctor said nothing, just stared sorrowfully and wondered.

_Songbird you got tales to tell  
How many times can you describe your living hell?_

There were nervous red dots on her cheeks, flushes of nerves and fright at her own daring. 'Please, you have to. You don't understand what he's like." _Oh, but I know better than anyone, child._ Lucy burst into tears. "He used to be so much kinder. He's obsessed. All he cares about it finding her. _Tell him where she is and everything can go back to normal_."

The Doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry child, your life with him can never be normal and I can't let him win."

"Please," she whispered.

He held her hand gently through the bars, shaking his head. "I'm sorry." Like a child, Lucy would do anything to please him, but she should have known by now that nothing would ever work. Not with him. She couldn't know that she couldn't make him better.

_The sweeping gesture creates a fuss  
It's only useful when receiving praise  
Relieving no-ones pain._

* * *

Lucy backed away, as the lift doors opened. The Master was visibly annoyed. "I've been looking everywhere for you, darling." Lucy eyes widened and she shrank further into herself, as his hand went around her waist and he led her away.

In their bedroom on the Valiant, he slapped her across the face and she could taste the salty blood in her mouth. "I told you not to go near him," he snarled. He rolled his eyes dramatically as Lucy fell back on the bed, her hand at her bleeding mouth. "Don't be such a baby, Lucy. I tell you things for your own safety. That man is dangerous. Keep away."

"Harry please…"

"I'm not Harry you idiot," The Master shouted.

Why didn't he understand? She was his, she always would be his and no Doctor would take her away from him. She knew she could make him happy, why wouldn't he let her?

_If you'd let somebody love you just enough  
You'd have everything you'd need to break  
Free from all your pain._

He was still looking at her angrily. 'I'm sorry, my Master," she trembled.

It was like sunshine had suddenly entered the room. He beamed at her lovingly. She wished she could understand his mood swings. She'd started wishing a lot.

_Songbird you got tales to tell  
How many times can you describe your living hell?_

His hands had already slid the red dress off her bare, white shoulders and his mouth was on hers as he fondled her breasts and she moaned softly. She was relieved. Sex didn't always work with him. Sometimes it was violence. She hated those days.

_I wish I knew which button to push  
Then I'd know how to please you  
It's sad but true. _

Even when they were in bed, he was never quite happy. Something was always wrong, but he would never tell Lucy. Maybe one day he would. He needed her, he needed unrequited love. He could do so much if he would just… if he would let her in.

_If you'd let somebody love you just enough  
If you'd let somebody love you just enough  
If you'd let somebody love you just enough  
If you'd let somebody love you just enough._


	2. Chapter 2

_This next song is 4'oclock by Emilie Autumn. I changed the lyrics a little in one line to make it fit better. I hope someone enjoys these._

The Master causally played with strands of Lucy's blonde hair. She was so beautiful, so childlike and The Master had always liked having someone to look after. Why he'd even looked after The Doctor once. Perish the thought! Lucy was much better, though right now he could confess to felling a little annoyed that she was asleep and he wasn't. The Master never could get to sleep and he hated it.

_4 o'Clock  
4 o'Clock  
Never let me sleep  
I close my eyes and pray  
For the garish light of day  
Like a frightened child I run  
From the sleep that never comes__._

But he did love Lucy. He wondered if she knew that. He hoped she did. There was dried blood at the corner of her mouth. He vaguely remembered doing that. He regretted that now, though it had made her mouth taste nice when he had kissed her.

What time was it? Four in the morning. Oh, this was agony and every night it was the same and Lucy never knew. He could hear the drums in his head. Sometimes, he wondered if he could tear the sound out of his head. He's tried once. Lucy had been horrified at the blood along his hairline the next morning. He hadn't tried that again, but he hadn't explained either.

Damn it, how could it still be only four o'clock?

_4 o'Clock  
4 o'Clock  
Out of bed I creep  
To climb this tower of shame  
But the hour's still the same  
Only madness knows my name  
At 4 o'Clock__._

He lost his temper a lot, it was true and he wasn't going to deny that to himself, but it wasn't his fault. It was the drums; the drums took away his precious sleep, played endless beats in his head and ran loops with his mind. He often wondered why they had chosen him. He had been a child, just a child but it hadn't mattered to the leaders of Gallifrey; that hadn't mattered one bit. He was only glad that Lucy couldn't hear them, though she tapped out the beat often enough.

If it wasn't for Lucy, he didn't know if he would have bothered with all of this. He would have given up, let The Doctor win because death would have been easier, and then maybe the drums would have stopped. What had been the point to looking in the vortex, what had they achieved?

_Why can we never go back to bed?  
Whose is the voice ringing in my head?  
Where is the sense in these desperate dreams?  
Why should I wake when I'm half past dead?_

The worst thing was that he would have been happy with Lucy, if not for the infernal drums. If he had never had to look, they could have had a life together. He shuddered, suddenly remembering that not only had her slapped her yesterday, he had also given her a black eye, punching her because she'd interrupted him when he'd been thinking about Martha Jones. _It wasn't fair. Why had they chosen him?_

_4 o'Clock  
4 o'Clock  
Out of bed I creep  
To climb this tower of shame  
But the hour's still the same  
Only slumber never came  
Only madness knows my name  
At 4 o'Clock. _

He'd have to make things up to his Lucy tomorrow. He didn't know what he would do without her, and yet a part of him knew that the drums would always keep them apart. They could never really be together because the drums possessed him and they would never let him go.

_Sure as the clock keeps its steady chime  
Weak as I walk to its steady rhyme  
Ticking away from the ones we love._

_So much sadness, so little time._

He hoped that Lucy would know that he wanted her to stay with him; he needed her, needed her so much, and surely she needed someone to worship. He stroked her sleeping face, and tried to ignore the drum beats.

He was so tired. He hadn't slept properly for hundreds of years. That scared him a little.

_Why can we never go back,_

_Never go back_

_Never go back_

_To bed.?_


	3. Chapter 3

_This song is I'm not Dead, by Pink. _

He ran into the control room in his favourite business suit, ready for the mornings Doctor taunting. He had baffled Lucy with some roses, but at least she'd looked cheerful. He was angry that he was the one who had been punished with the drums. That was why it felt good to mess with the Doctor's head.

The Doctor stared at him warily, his grandpa mouth set in a grim line, determined not to rise to The Master's bait. But one day The Master would catch him out, one day and this conversation could be it because…

_**There's always cracks  
A crack of sunlight  
A crack in the mirror on your lips  
It's the moment of a sunset Friday  
When our conversations twist.**_

"You could have done this so easily," chortled The Master, "but you didn't. Know why? No? And I though you were the intelligent one… it's because you're a coward, Doctor. Always have been, always will be." _And yet you were the one that survived because you ran and didn't look back and_

_**We only spun the web to catch ourselves  
So we weren't left for dead.**_

* * *

_I looked into the vortex and saw death and misery if I tried to wield that power. It was not cowardice to run away. It was self preservation, Master. _

_You keep telling yourself that._

_Power is not always made to be wielded, Master. _

_Was it worth it? Abandoning me? We could have travelled together. Instead you ran away._

_**Master why can't you understand?**_

_**I'm not dead just floating  
Right between the ink of your tattoo  
In the belly of the beast we turned into  
I'm not scared just changing  
Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile  
You're my crack of sunlight.**_

_Tell me, Doctor was it worth it?_

_I was scared. Scared of what I saw come to pass, scared of what I knew you would become._

_Ha Doctor! Scared of greatness?_

_Scared of madness, scared of the drums slowly driving you insane._

_**You can do the math a thousand ways but you can't erase the facts  
That others come and others go but you always come back  
I'm a winter flower underground always thirsty for summer rain  
And just like the change of seasons  
I know you'll be back again.**_

_So you chose loneliness?_

_Don't tell me you're not lonely, Master. That child wife of yours is no replacement for a true Time Lord._

_But she loves me, she has not betrayed me, and she is mine._

_You keep telling yourself that._

* * *

As the Master walks away, The Doctor feels sad. He would have given anything to travel with Koschei again, but a part of him knows that things would never work that way and besides, maybe he did love Lucy, just like The Doctor did love Rose. But it didn't matter, not really because the only thing that The Doctor had ever loved with all of his being was Him.

_**Oh Master, I was never looking for approval from anyone but you  
And though this journey is over I'll go back if you ask me to.**_

The Doctor wasn't done with The Master yet, and he wasn't defeated just yet either. It was so like his Master to gloat over victory prematurely, but The Doctor had played this little game with his ex lover for years and it wasn't over yet. This game would go on for all eternity, for the rest of their lives, and The Doctor would always find The Master, because a part of The Master would always want to be found.

_**I'm not dead just yet  
I'm not dead I'm just floating  
Doesn't matter where I'm going  
I'll find you  
I'm not scared at all  
Underneath the cuts and bruises  
Finally gained what no one loses  
I'll find you  
I will find you.**_

Master.


	4. Chapter 4

_This song is Don't Panic by Coldplay_

"I took Lucy to Utopia. A Time Lord and his human companion. I took her to see the stars. Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

"Trillions of years into the future, to the end of the universe."

"Tell him what you saw."

And Lucy wasn't there. She was gone. The Doctor could see that. She was millennia away, caught up in The Master's own anger and despair, drowning in her husband's madness.

"Dying. Everything dying. The whole of creation was falling apart and I thought there's no point. No point to anything. Not ever."

_But there is a point to it Lucy, if he released his hold on you for a second you would see that._

"And it's all your fault." The Master is smirking and Lucy relives a nightmare. The Doctor turned away. He would have cried at the perversion of a soul, if he could have just remembered how.

* * *

The next time Lucy walked past, The Doctor spoke first. "The end of the universe, Lucy. You were lucky to see it."

She ignored him, staring blankly ahead, not noticing when the thorn of The Master's rose cut into her thumb.

"Don't give up yet, Lucy," The Doctor said quietly. "never give up on the universe."

She looked around nervously, no doubt petrified of what The Master would do if he caught her with The Doctor again, before whispering, "There was nothing left Doctor. Nothing at all. Nothing we do matters in the end, can't you see that? Nothing you do matters."

_Bones, sinking like stones,  
All that we fought for,_

_And homes, places we've grown,  
All of us are done for._

"But why help him then, if it doesn't matter, why help him destroy your world?"

"He's saving it," she said simply.

The Doctor stared at her incredulously. "What! Lucy, no! He's destroying everything and you're letting him do it."

_Because I want to deserve his love. Because rewriting the future is better than what I saw. _"We'll make a new world," she said dreamily. "One where humanity has hope and we do not exist in vain."

"It doesn't have to be this way, Lucy. In the end all things fade away, swallowed up by time itself. The Master can't change that. In the end even the last of the Time Lords will die. Humanity survived for an awfully long time. Isn't that time enough?"

_And we live in a beautiful world,  
Yeah we do, yeah we do,  
We live in a beautiful world._

Her blue eyes were frighteningly vacant. "Tell me Lucy, what did he do with you in Utopia?"

"He held me tight as a black orb told me we were looking at the diamonds of Utopia, and all around was only fire, burning and in the darkness I was afraid. He asked me if I could hear it, the drums, the sound of drums. When I said I couldn't, he said it didn't matter, and his smile was sunny as he kissed me. Later I begged him to save them and he did and all for me." _Just like he will destroy the earth for me._

"He led me back to the TARDIS and I asked him how humanity could have come to such an end and he smiled sadly and said it was you, all you…"

The Doctor shook his head in horror. "You're wrong Lucy. I'd never…"

But she went on inexorably. "All that death and emptiness was you and this black despair I know every night and every day is all because of you."

_Bones, sinking like stones,  
All that we fought for,  
And homes, places we've grown,  
All of us are done for._

The Doctor snapped his fingers in front of her face desperately. "Stop it, Lucy. Snap out of it."

But she went on. "His arm was around my waist and my head rested upon his shoulders as we watched all of Japan burn. A whole population wiped out and I didn't care because I knew that whatever we did, no matter how hard humanity tried, it would always end in broken, shattered dreams. Harry's way is better. Harry doesn't make mistakes."

_And we live in a beautiful world,  
Yeah we do, yeah we do,  
We live in a beautiful world._

"You'd trust humanity to a madman?"

Lucy looked into The Doctor's eyes surprised. "Is he any different than the rest of us? Perhaps he's gotten something right."

"You can't be serious. He controls everything you do, he beats you, rapes you no doubt and yet you'd trust him more than you'd trust me?"

_And we live in a beautiful world,  
Yeah we do, yeah we do,  
We live in a beautiful world._

"I do."

_One day I'll get it right and his pain will go away. He treats me like he does because he's better than what he's forced to be and the strains show. He's better than this, because he is God, because it's not his fault. It's mine._

_Oh, all that I know,  
There's nothing here to run from,  
Cause, yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on._


	5. Chapter 5

_This is more of an epilogue with a mash of two songs, thanks for the memories and dance dance, both by Fall Out Boy._

The Doctor didn't understand me, he never really did and he didn't understand my Lucy either. I'll trick and deceive and do the unexpected; anything to win. It was his fault, really. He should have stayed; instead he chose humanity over me.

Lucy shot me according to plan and I watched The Doctor mourn because I would not regenerate and it was strangely satisfying to abandon him, like he had abandoned me and yet at the same time, a part of me wanted to do as he asked and stay. I couldn't do it. I couldn't abandon Lucy like he had abandoned me. So I looked him in the face like a fool, and said, "I win," but it wasn't the truth. I could have said so much more into his sobbing face and I couldn't, couldn't do it and that hurt.

_And I want these words, to make things right,_

_But it's the wrongs that make my words come to life._

I tell myself…

"_Who does he think he is?"_

But the song whispers back…

_If that's the worst you've got, better put your fingers back to the keys._

The song says, write a new song and start again, but I didn't' do it. The reason, the reason why, you ask? Why did I do this? You ask what it was all for? I don't know and the song mocks me because it doesn't know either. Revenge? Fun? A chance to play the game again. A chance to see the lover one more time?

_They say I only think in the form of _

_Crunching numbers in hotel rooms_

_Collecting page six lovers…_

And then I know what it was all for, to dance with Lucy again, just one more time…

_One night and one more time_.

And to dance, to dance, to dance the night away with my Lucy…

_Dance, dance._

_We're falling apart to half time._

_Dance, dance_

_And this is the life I'd love to lead_

_Dance, this is the way she'd love_

_If she knew how misery loved me._

The thoughts are breaking up in my head and little makes sense.

All I know is Lucy is mine, and the whole stinking universe is mine and the diamonds of Utopia are mine and The Doctor and his TARDIS are mine, but all I want is _her_. I know Lucy will wait, because she knows if she doesn't it will hurt.

_Oh, I'm looking forward to the future._

_I'm imagining_

_One night and one more time (Doctor)_

_Thanks for the memories,_

_Thanks for the memories_

_I never told you_

_Lucy tastes like you_

_Only sweeter._

* * *

_I hope someone out there enjoyed these shots. They'll get rid of some of my Master demons till the Christmas specials anyway. _


End file.
